my house has always been an empty shell
one which if you retreat into, you’ll be alone
outgrowing dysfunction is impossible when it is permanently attached to your back
Category: Random
anxiety attack #2
my brain is at war with my soul.
with a cavalry of thoughts
and a heart beat that catapults
me into destruction –
my body is the battleground.
muscles tensed for attack,
eyes bruised, sleepless nights
exposed ribs, chest tight,
Heart beat catapults,
quickly,
quickly,
I cannot take cover from myself.
From the soldiers I’ve created
who kill everyone I love,
From the weapons I’ve built
which shoot me down
until the white flag
I carry is drowned
with blood.
–
my brain is winning
archaeology
I wanted you to know me,
so I cracked my chest open
for your hands to feel the words
engraved on my ribs,
ivory secrets,
the purest version.
You laughed
and I finally understood the laws of impact
as I caved in on myself,
rubble.
GAD
I hate that I can’t control the fear.
Anxiety attack #1
i can feel my chest caving in –
my breaths are losing pace,
while my heart is quickening,
its beats increase rapidly to
power this slow demolition.
an epidemic
I give away parts of myself –
like air, they disperse,
coughed out by strangers
who don’t want them.
stockholm syndrome
the cage was better in winter,
cold steel bars on cold skin,
freezing until i blended in,
steel skin,
the cage and i indistinguishable.
it’s summer now and the metal is expanding,
while i long to shrink,
the heat sinking into my flesh-
i shed every layer until there is nothing left;
a pile of shriveling bones,
rattling against these bars,
falling through the spaces between them.
Nobody is there to listen to the melody of me falling apart.
I used to think this cage was confinement,
restricting me from my surroundings –
but this cage is my safety,
protecting me from the nothingness that surrounds it.
harlot pt 1
she likes the taste of other lips on her own,
the way they swallow her breath,
her thoughts,
until only the rhythmic beating of his heart
consumes her.
she likes the feel of skin on her skin,
they mask her scars,
the shame is worth it
because those large hands
are just enough to keep her
from falling apart.
altitude
i like the comfort of solitude,
the air is thinner when one less person’s breath is there to fill it,
just light enough for me to always be floating.
but i think i need an anchor
it’s getting quite cold.
invisibility
I haven’t eaten in a week,
and I think it’s my body’s way of calling for help,
It speaks to me via pain echoing through a hollowness that is not hunger.
With every feint beat of my heart,
I can hear my bones rattling,
I think it’s my soul trying to escape.
I think it’s reached my throat,
Yearning to come out,
Piece by piece, it burns on exit,
Pushing out everything I try to swallow.
I’m slowly disappearing, and no one seems to notice.
in bloom 